You make me feel....

“It’s a feeling that you can’t describe!” “Being a mother is the most amazing feeling in the world.” “You won’t be able to put into words the feeling you will have when you become a mother.”

That’s what people told me when I first told them we were pregnant. And, they were mostly right: I do feel lots and lots of things as a mother.
 I feel:

• terrified! I had kind of a crappy delivery. I didn’t get to see Grayson right after he was born like most Mommy’s do. And, when I did see him, I was so pumped full of the drugs that I had been receiving for almost 18 solid hours, that I was pretty much delirious. The first time I got to hold Grayson and REALLY see him (not through a med-induced fog) was almost 2 hours after he was born. By that time, it was still sinking in that I was a mom...and I was scared to death.  I am someone's Mom!  When I think about the most important people in my life, my mom is the first person I think of.  She comforts me when I need it, gives me advice whether I want to hear it or not, and has been the one constant in my crazy life.  It absolutely scares me to death to think about the fact that I am going to be that person to Grayson.  I mean, I feel like sometimes I can barely take care of myself!  I simply don't feel like I deserve that kind of responsibility! 
• so so so so proud of Grayson. Every time I look at him, I am just amazed at how much he is changing every day. He is constantly learning something new, and he is growing at an amazing pace. I think he is just the cutest little guy in the whole wide world., and I love to show him off! I guess I am one of “those moms”!
  
• completely overwhelmed. I have blogged about this a couple of times before, so I am not going to go into great detail now. BUT, even almost 3 ½ months after Grayson’s arrival, that overwhelming feeling is still going strong. And, it’s safe to say that it is getting stronger every day. Despite how overwhelmed I feel though, I do feel like I am learning to balance life a little better. I am learning to make my priorities just that: my priorities.
• closer to David than we have ever been. Now, along with that, I also often feel madder at him than I have ever felt. BUT, I know that is just marriage. It’s hard….and throwing kids into the mix just makes it harder. I can definitely see now why people say that having babies don’t fix a marriage in trouble. I know that David and I have a stronger marriage than most, and becoming parents has been a HUGE adjustment for both of us. It’s not always pretty, but we are a team. Grayson just solidified that for us.
• like we will always, always, ALWAYS have laundry to do, bathrooms to clean, dishes to wash, and other chores to do.
• a love that was more than I ever thought I could feel. When I hold Grayson in my arms, I am just overcome with emotion. There are many times that I look at him in awe, just not believing that he’s really mine!

I have always known that I have wanted to be a Mommy, and having Grayson just confirmed that fact to me. In fact, I can’t wait to have more kids! But, for now, I am enjoying my time with just me and my two boys.
I absolutely adore being a mommy, wife, and friend!