To Cordi:

My dear Cordiloo,

I think it finally hit me tonight when we got back from our walk that you're gone.  I went to the back door to feed you, expecting to see you, with your head cocked to one side and looking at me as if you were saying, "Come on and feed me, Mom!"  But, tonight, you weren't there.  Your bowl was there, your bed was there....but you weren't there.  I keep thinking that I see you in the backyard, but when I look a little closer, it's not you.  It's a shadow, or a leaf blowing...it's not you.

I remember the day when I first met you five years ago.  You did not like me one bit.  You had been David's girl for so long, and you did not want me moving in on your territory.  Sooner than later, though, you were cuddling with me on the floor and we became best buddies.  You became my fiercest protector, especially on those nights when David worked.  I always felt safe because I knew you could scare away anyone that might want to come in the house.  You barked at every little sound and you would pace the floor until you were certain whatever strange noise you heard was gone.

One of your favorite things to do was run around in the backyard, chasing Bailey or golf balls, or a random bike rider that you happened to catch a glimpse of through the fence.  And every time Baily dug out from under the fence, you were the first to let us know.  You would come to the back door and stand and stare until one of us came over to investigate.  Sometimes, though, you wouldn't come tell us--you would chase her and try to get her to come back...like the time you and Bailey decided to investigate our new neighborhood while Daddy and I were in the hospital preparing to welcome Finnley to our family.  You were so full of life.  Oh, and you loved watching Tennessee football with us--mostly because Smokey was your boyfriend.  :)

In the 14 years you lived on Earth, you had many adventures.  You loved your Daddy unconditionally, and was his side-kick through everything he experienced.  He told me the story of the day he met you: he knew you were his because you pooped at his feet.  :)  I will never be able to fully comprehend the bond the two of you shared, but I know that you held (and still hold) a giant piece of his heart.

It has been so hard watching you age and even harder knowing what was coming.  You lost weight so quickly, ran less and less, and just seemed so pitiful.  But, Cordi, you were so strong.  So strong until you last day with us.  You were determined to keep that puppy spirit in you.  Making the drive to the vet yesterday was the longest and most painful drive I've ever made.  You were so brave.  You walked into the little exam room, and even the doctor mentioned the twinkle you still had in your eye.  Yet, you curled up on the blankets, ate some treats, and started to fall asleep.  I had to run out of the room because I couldn't stand to even think about what was coming. 

We held you in our arms until your chest stopped rising and falling.  It was so peaceful and so painful at the same time.  I will never forget those moments.

I know you are in Heaven, running and barking, just like you used to do in our backyard.  I know you are healthy and so happy--but we still miss you terribly.